Dr. Lane’s Thoughts X

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1.  I was married before my wonderful wife to a woman who more closely matched my background.  She was Jewish andeducated, working in the school system of a major NJ city.  While we had problems that led to a divorce soon after we married, the most odd part of being together was her father – an Israeli loudmouth with unfiltered opinions about everything.  

He simply felt that if you invited him to your home it was because you wanted to hear his opinions and if you went to his house it was because you wanted to hear his opinions.  Everyone was a prisoner of his conservative views on other races, Israel (his homeland), the military, and his very strange recollection about his life which seemed to encompass  every major events in the USA and Israel for the previous 55 years – if it happened, he was there and he did everything.

And what did he have opinions about?  Mostly “coloreds” [for those not from the USA, this is an ancient term to refer to black people.  Only people over 70 years old would ever want to speak like this], where he felt they all lived (Newark, NJ)  and their impact on his local town’s economy (very negative since he felt that his taxes paid for black people’s welfare in another city where he did not live).  He never saw people advancing or the world changing for the better; this is despite spending 33 years as a public school teacher in a city in New Jersey

I was always amused about how he stated that he previously spoke Italian because he lived in Ethiopia.  He spoke no Italian that we knew of and the last time Ethiopia had a population of Italian speakers in was 1945-46 when they were occupied by the Axis forces in World War 2.  This timeframe was roughly the time of my ex-FIL’s birth.  I guess the Israeli army may have been stationed there in the late 1960s but it is doubtful that he had any reason to learn Italian.

My ex-FIL has a condition that psychologists refer to Munchausen Syndrome – factitious disorder imposed on self is associated with severe emotional difficulties. This is a condition named after Baron Munchausen who was a an 18th century German officer who was known for embellishing the stories of his life and experiences—is the most severe type of factitious disorder.  In many cases it can lead to your children being diagnosed as depressives or with social phobias.  I would think that it would lead to embaressment due to explaining to others about your atypical exaggeration and embellishment of your life and activities.  Kids see through other kids’ parents because they have nothing at stake in helping to maintain the pretense.  

People who suffer from this condition also need to dominate conversations and to use any group as a captive audience for the outlandish stories.

It was probably, also, the excessive time my ex-wife had us visiting with her parents that factored into the doom of our marriage.  There is a limit to how much time you want to spend with a bigoted know-it-all and this guy had us there many times a month for every Jewish holiday, and every family celebration – meaning 2-3 times a week.  That sounds nice on the surface but became overbearing as married life sunk in for myex- wife and me.

You need those first years to establish your marriage with each other, not to establish your slavish relationship with in-laws who should not be a major factor in your lives.

In addition, he and my ex-MIL would mock my professional credentials and my profession as a chiropractor referring to me as “not a REAL doctor” which meant a medication-writing MD or DO.  Tolerating this barrage was a part of my married life but when it was combined with the twice-weekly visits (that could not be avoided) I cringed every time my wife would tell me about our next obligation to see them.

My divorce decree specifically mentioned that I was never to write about her by name or mention her psycho-medical issues.  I think it is clear that I have not done that except in the vaguest terms.  I feel sympathy for her that even at an advancing age she still lives under the thumb (or fear) of her father and his mental problems.

For the last 2 yearsI have been married to another woman whose parents celebrate me as a blessing to their family.  They also live in another country and don’t speak English.  Even my wife’s ex-husband is a part of our family life and often comes over for events around their daughters and for family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

2) Once of the worst problems to live with emotionally is being poor.  I am talking about being part of the “working poor” who make money but never enough to be comfortable.  It is a sickening feeling to not be able to treat your friends to coffees, contribute to a good cause, or share in other peoples’ experiences with a contribution.  You are considered “cheap” but it is the inhumane life of having to make choices between buying health insurance each month or meeting your car payment.  

It is hard to be judged as being “unworthy” by someone you are interested in because your job doesn’t pay well enough or you are unable to find employment despite training and degrees.  Life goes on and you are trying to get some kind of hold on something worthwhile that uses your skill set.

It drains your soul, empties your humanity, and robs your sense of self.

I knew plenty of people who were “pretend” poor – they had low-paying jobs but parents who paid for all of their expenses from a car and insurance to rent or home purchase.  On paper they made $14K but they lived the life of a person making $60K.  They qualified for low-income health insurance, subsidies for heat and other utilities, and low-income loans.  They saw no problem in accepting these handouts meant for people in much more desperate situations.

People making a (barely-sufficient) $20K were not eligible for these same subsidies and probably had jobs that were much more demanding with stricter rules to follow.

As an aside, did you know that Walmart gives out employment applications along with forms for applying for Medicaid and food stamps since they know that the people they hire will never be eligible for company-sponsored health insurance due to insufficient hours at minimum wage.

3)  Everyone wants an incredible revelation about weight control; they want a thunderous moment where science and discovery come together to create the answer to getting and maintaining a healthy weight.  There is nothing like that and there never will be.  Sorry.

What there is out there will eb summed up here.

Food choices

Portion control


If you can’t control for one of these then you have to do more of the other two.

If you can’t exercise much then you need to make better food choices and eat less.

If you can’t control what you can find to eat because you are never home to make healthy food then you need to eat less of the food you find or find lower-calorie choices when you can.

If you can’t control your portion size or find time to exercise then you need to choose better food.

I am a normal human male who has used this formula with success.  You can also. 😊

4) Our president Trump is not only a shameless egomaniac but surrounds himself solely with people who agree with him.  His hiring practices seem to indicate loyalty is his only criteria for his staff.  Ignorance and the shameless disregard of facts and information is an acceptable means to keep your job as long as you display strict loyalty.  The American people pay for these people to work with Trump.

5) The replacement of reading by video has cost the American people any semblence of coherent conversational skills along with the loss of any knowledge of sentence structure or syntax.  Poor communication skills can only lead to misunderstanding (ask anyone who is learning to talk in a different language – the right word has to be said the right way or antagonism will occur).

6) If I have no written about it enough – I love working with patient population of federal license holders who need medical exams.  This means CDL holders (truckers and bus drivers mostly), pilots, railroad workers, andheavy machinery operators.  These are the heart of the USA and the decent people who reflect the real America that the rest of the world may never see.

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