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Dr. Lane’s Thoughts XXXX
1) I want to ask all of my readers a single two-part request: (a) please try to strive for a goal that will make you happy and (b) when you get that goal (what you think will make you happy), please BE HAPPY!!
Find love and satisfaction in achieving what you wanted. Exalt in finding that you have achieved some happiness. Do not question your achievement’s validity after you have earned it; enjoy it!!!
I love my work, my clients, my employees and my family every day. I spent 50 years trying to get here and it feels great. I am an expert in a small area of medicine not familiar to most doctors, I have 3 businesses and this blog. Everything I work on give me back what I need from it.
Years ago I had a girlfriend I hoped to marry. Her father was very famous in the field of chemistry and pretty much invented a whole field of this ancient science. What I recall most about him was a small thing he offered me as advice about business.
He started several small businesses as he was establishing himself which included one that became a multi-million dollar company and another small company that never made much but still produced a small amount of revenue. The small company provided photographic chemicals for developing pictures (which was still something people did on their own before digital photography dominated the field).
I asked him one time why he bothered to fill the orders (which he got from people who found him in the back of photography magazines – something else that has disappeared in the many years since people stopped reading magazines). He told me, “It still makes some money. Never turn down the opportunity to make any kind of money.”
His advice has stuck with me – never turn down the chance to make money in an honest and ethical way. I emphasize the ‘make money” part – it is nice to have an income of any amount.
2) I am surrounded by the words “be kind” and “feelings” all the time from bumper stickers and signs – words with a good message but it is subtle who is offering this message. It often is not a person in a superior or dominant position or even a church but actually someone who has no intention of reciprocating this kindness or being a person who is interested in your feelings and not just their own. This request about being kind or listening to their feelings or being kind to their feelings is just a selfish one-sided request for you to do more for them; you are not included.
The message is a good one but the purpose of the message is not. In fact, I will go so far as to say that the person requesting this ‘kindness’ or needing to express their feelings to you (and asking that you listen) is expecting you (other than ignore their poor driving skills) listen to their deep needs and unresolved family or psychiatric / psychological problems or stories about their family’s deep psychiatric or psychological problems.
You still want to be kind or take the time to listen to them about their feelings? Do something good and steer them to professionals who can help them – therapists, social workers, DYFS, the police, zoning boards, landlord-tenant court and so on. You do nothing to assist them by just offering “kindness” or hearing about their “feelings” – they probably need so much more than that.
3) Entitled Kids. It is a favorite topic to comment on along with Entitled Adults (called, “Karens”). No one thinks that they have an Entitled Kid (EK) but they know what one looks like. So where do EK come from if no one has one? Parents who teach their child that whatever they want they should get – from everyone and from everyone all the time.
EK are just pain-in-the-ass children, no matter how old they get. Maybe you think that they will grow up to be something great with their opportunities and the privilege that you have given them. That is only speculation and forecasting. What we all know that what you have created today is a child who is useless and demanding and, without a doubt, a drain on the world around them.
So how do you prevent EK? It starts with spending time with them instead of money on them. No one ever passed on values in absentia. Things given DO NOT equal love and listening!
Many moms worry about the health of the child because this person came out of them (or another woman) and that is great.
Dads shape a kid to become a decent person – someone worth being around.
Of course there is overlap of roles but the point is to make a kid a decent human and not an EK. EKs become Entitled Adults and those people have no one to inform them and help them to grow out of it.
Remember: if you don’t like your kids it is absurd for you to expect other people to like them either.
4) I recall clearly how poor I used to be. Like many people starting out with a low wage and no family to either support me or offer me a better opportunity I just stuck it out and worked to improve my life.
What I found worse than anything was reading articles that offered ‘ways to save money’. I assumed before I read these article that this was for poor people (like me) and would offer me insights that would change habits and, therefore, improve my situation for the best.
The ideas offered were as such: eat out meals less often and buy less expensive entrees, pay off your credit cards and pay on-time so that you don’t pay interest or extra fees, travel on less expensive days, book cheaper vacations, find a lower rent and so on. In short, these suggestions were for people who had money who needed guidance on how to save more of the money that they had rolling in.
In short, I didn’t have enough money to save any money. I needed to make more money in order to be poor enough to save any money.
I was sub-poor, a level below poor.
Those articles were unforgiveable if you ask me. If you are so bad with your large amounts of income that you need coaching on living within a budget then you deserve to be “poor”; for all of us ‘others’ who were essentially slaves to bad working conditions with poor salaries I hope you get your reprieve like me.
5) For years, the myth has been that you do aerobics to burn fat, resistance training to build muscles. But the researchers found that in addition to improving bone mineral density, lean mass and muscle quality, strength-building exercise improves body composition in ways previously thought to come only from aerobics.
Their research, published in Sports Medicine, looked at data from 54 studies and more than 3,000 people and found that doing between two and three sessions a week for 45 to 60 minutes was enough to convey fat-burning benefits comparable to aerobic exercise. This gives you some additional workout choices when it comes to aiming for a leaner body composition.
Important tips:
— Warm up on a bike or treadmill for 10 minutes before starting.
— For resistance exercises that burn fat and build muscle using your own body weight, try “10 Strength-Training Moves for Beginners” at DoctorOz.com.
— Dr. Lane is a fan of stretchy bands (called Therabands but that may be a trade name). Remember that hand weights, done with poor technique, can wreck your shoulders. Check out “Should You Try Resistance Bands for Strength Training?”
— If you use resistance machines at the gym, start low (weight) and slow (motion). And to get max muscle-building, ultimately, work with a resistance/weight that’s 70% of your max capacity.
6) We have all heard about the dangers of Facebook but how much of a danger it is seems objective and controversial to the people who use it. The way that it is dangerous is mostly conjecture in the United States where it is more closely monitored but still regulated only loosely. Outside the US it is the main means of communication for people loosely affiliated but informed of their common beliefs of religion or politics and slowly proselytized to perform acts of cruelty and brazen anger against other people in their regions or country borders to make their world closer to what they consider their ‘ideal” – which usually involves removing another group and its adherents by some means. This usually results in death. Mostly these people are informed that the people they consider their ‘enemies’ are saying and planning the same things about them on Facebook.
In the US Facebook is a way for people who spend their days in a state of loneliness and ennui to connect with people like them, or just people who purport to be like them, to get their attention and become their ‘friends’. Having many ‘friends’ on Facebook is a badge of honor for people who use Facebook.
Right from the start Facebook asks you what your interests are so that you can find these ‘like’ people to become friends with and soon you are hearing about things and seeing images of what you like. You also self-filter from things or people you do not have an interest in. The connection is immediate and your world is soon closed off from what you do not intend to see or, more importantly, you do not want to see.
The United States is 2/3 non-college educated. Among the people who do not seek college after graduating high school are people who have many reasons why a college education is not considered necessary to live their lives the way that they want to. Most of these people are surrounded by people and family members who support this decision so they feel vindicated for making this decision by the people they trust to know more than them; people who have seen the world for more years or otherwise have done well without getting further education.
The one thing that most college have made their mission is to open their students up to new ideas, viewpoints, and cultures that they would not otherwise be aware of. There are many schools who reject this idea of a liberal education and, with the consent of their leaders and trustees, make it their mission to teach a more cloistered message but most schools (especially state schools) take pride in opening a bigger world to their students. They open the young people up to ways of thinking outside of their families, their ethnic group, their religion; in short, to see things outside of their small view of the world.
It is very much a part of the ethos of the US to not know what is going on in the world if you show no interest in newspapers or read on-line news.
The US has an undercurrent of rejection of news or information that is not immediately useful for people. Starting from family relationships (which are be the most important for us immediately) we slowly lose interest the further away from the immediate (necessary) news until news that concerns other states is less important and Washington, DC is of no importance finally ending in other countries which a majority of the US has less than a zero interest in. We move from the personal to the clearly unrelated in a linear fashion and w care less the further out we go. This is understandable if you don’t see how an ethnic group that speaks a different language on the other side of the globe has anything to do with you. For many, the ‘U” and the “S” of ‘United States’ literally spells “US” as to who you care about distinguished from “THEM”.
Facebook does the opposite: it instructs you to find groups of interests ever narrower until you find “your people” [not just cats but cats owned by Evangelical Christians living in NW Michigan; not only pottery but pottery made by artisans using only red clay that they dig up themselves in a special section of Arizona, and so on].
Soon your ‘friends’ (30? 3,453? Remember, ‘friends’ are a numbers game on Facebook) are checking in on you and showing interest in you despite never meeting you. We live in a world where it is our culture of solo mobilization to feel alone but Facebook remedies this problem.
This milieu is ripe for disinformation and the people who spread lies and false facts are aware of this. They infiltrate these very narrow groups and spread their “alternative facts’ (as KellyAnne Conway, an advisor to Donald Trump stated knowing full well that she was saying that she was proud to ignore actual facts based in reality and create her own ‘facts”.) knowing that what they wrote would never be fact-checked or otherwise corroborated.
These same political actors do not care what the impact of their mission of misinformation will cause. Creating chaos and educational anarchy is their only goal and Facebook is an easy means to do that. Facebook has become a platform where the highly motivated can find large groups of the easily influenced.
When we read about ‘brainwashing’ and ‘indoctrination’ we imagine sterile governments with hardened propaganda with the expressed aim of creating a docile populace educated to think the same way about the same subjects. Facebook puts the face of your relatives and friends as the means of indoctrination who simply repeat information they have learned (usually on Facebook) that is wrong, incorrect, or just nonsense without reference to logical sources of that information.
When a people have chosen to skip or escape the normal places of knowledge accumulation such as colleges or newspapers they leave themselves susceptible to illicit places to gain information, such as Facebook. Facebook become an ‘echo chamber’ to them repeating their opinions through many people who repeat back to the same people what they have already said, none of these people has done any relevant research or thought about what they write clearly; they just repeat back what they have heard – opinion of the masses that become ‘fact’ without any perusal or investigation.
There is the other group on Facebook who refuse to see themselves in this description: the very lonely, people who seek acknowledgement and affirmation for their worth by announcing their accomplishments or those of others; people who need a response from someone (or anyone) that they are not alone.
The need for the daily “hello” quickly slides to the need for attention which soon becomes a thirst for praise. This is a trap that causes the people who most rely on Facebook to become the target of the organized influences I have already noted.
Honestly, Facebook has no redeeming qualities for me. If a person can keep themselves knowledgeable from outside of Facebook and utilize Facebook for the brief functions it was originally good at (friendly chats with relatives and near-relatives as well as actual friends) then I can see no problems. Who do you know who is in this small group? For most people I know, it is “in for a penny, in for a pound” when it comes to Facebook: they are either connected to it all the time on their phone or they do not use it at all.
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