safety-lane.com 07105
chiropractic-lane.com
www.cbd-lane.com
www.diagnostic-lane.com
NEWARK
http://www.healthy-lane.com
Stink Felon, head of the Department of Unnecessary Management Bureaucracy (DUMB) has stated that his efforts have saved the US government “tens of millions of dollars every month” by firing all government employees in every department, leaving only one person in each building, all named “Walter”. He also ended all utility contracts.
“We no longer pay for electricity or water, internet services, or telephones”, stated Mr. Felon.
When asked to elaborate, Mr. Felon summarized the cost-savings, “all the people who stayed are named Walter so only one email needs to go out to alert them of changes. Each of these men has his own cell phone so we don’t need to pay for phone service, they use their own wi-fi by using hotspots around the building, we use extension cords and plug in to exposed outlets on private homes in the Washington, DC area. Also, we look for water spouts outside of the same homes we plug into and carry the water in buckets back to the federal buildings.”
Mr. Dump noted the savings in payroll and benefits realized every month, adding “we don’t pay for overtime; all work for every agency must be completed everyday. Since none of the office have phone service it isn’t like anyone can call or email Walter anyway. Mostly, Walter just tidies up and sweeps the floor.
When asked about the employees fired from years of service to the various agencies integral to the United States, Mr. Dump answered, “if they really want their jobs back they can negotiate with me personally. I’m sure that something could be arranged for all the beautiful women – only ’10’s – and any other people who are willing to forego the exorbitant salaries and benefits we used to pay them. I mean, some of those people had homes and cars – all being paid for by the American people! We cannot continue to support these people on the backs of tax-paying Americans. After all, I am the most incredible negotiator that has ever lived, I even wrote a book about that!”
Mr. Dump has noted, proudly, that he has ‘not paid one dime” in taxes since 1994.
via Blogger https://ift.tt/FacYdCe
Recent Comments