Dr. Lane’s Thoughts LXXXIII

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Dr. Lane’s Thoughts LXXXIII

1) It would seem to me that we are heading to a highly-individualized lifestyle for most people, devoid of long-term cooperative existence with other people.  We have been taught that we do not need to tolerate other people’s idiosyncrasies or demands, irritating habits or moods; the answers are always present: divorce, WFH, online porn, online therapy, online medical examinations, online entertainment, DoorDash and uber eats, as well as the ubiquitous messaging and email to avoid verbal interaction of any kind.

Why not? The market will only go in the direction where there is an interest or demand and people do not want to deal with the way the rest of the world treats them.  in your own world you are always the smartest and the most attractive, your needs and wants are always of paramount importance (and never excessive), you are also very lovable no matter your mood or your shortcomings.

Soon, it will become apparent to everyone that in a virtual world you are never really alone.  People in ‘your world’ will just have to get used to you and recognize how really great you are without the hassle of having to prove it.

Be smart!  Invest in anything geared to the solo person – small apartments, small-portion meals, solo vacation packages.  Even sex will be arranged where both people go home to their own place so as not to have to deal with their ‘significant other’ in any other place but the bedroom. If sex even needs to be part of our worlds any longer.


2) People who age well have uniquely resilient brains, marked by preserved cortex thickness, robust neuron density, and a powerful social brain advantage.

The newest data links these exceptional traits to deep social connection, emotional engagement, and a lifelong curiosity about others. In fact, the areas of the brain that thrive in the healthiest old people are the same ones involved in empathy and motivation. Want a younger brain at 90? Start with a stronger community in your 50s.


But what if you are not that good at creating social connections or inspiring an interest in others; are you doomed to an earlier decline?  Not at all, start with interacting with others in volunteering or a shared hobby. There is also your ability to observe popular people and figure out how they do it and imitate their best approaches.  it is ok to admit that some people have better skills in friendliness and sociability – learn from them!

3) There are many beautiful women but women athletes may be the most lovely. There is something about athleticism that brings the beauty and perfection to the surface!

4) If a dog loves you then you must be a good person. It is impossible for a dog to be a bad judge of character. 

5) I do not seek to be different from other people but I am. I am – I will always be – the guy that doesn’t ’fit in’. the truth, I have to accept this. 

I was always the guy who talked too much. 

Jewish in a world of non-Jews. Kosher in a world of Jews that didn’t practice this. I didn’t learn Hebrew and I was never drawn to any faith. I quit kosher at 18. I quit Judaism after my divorce in 2014 (though ‘quit’ is a big word for just never doing anything with it). I still celebrate the Sabbath on Fridays. I have always felt that I did more for Judaism than it ever did for me.

I was highly articulate in a world of simple people. Everyone seems to hate educated people, entertaining the idea that unsophisticated indicates integrity and honesty, “good folks’. Perhaps in entertainment when there is underlining talent but otherwise, this is not true. 

I have faced this long ago: I am not cute, pretty, handsome or appealing. I will always be picked last in all fields even if there is no one else competing.   Nobody needs a nerdy White Jewish guy to fill out their team.

My family was 6 in a world of small families. We were considered really weird. I was asked to oddest questions about this after my dad died, “Why did your family have so many children?” was a common one. [“Hey lady, I guess my parents liked to fuck.  Does that answer your question or do you need a diagram?”]

My father died in an era where men just divorced their wives and families and became a memory to their kids. My father was a truly great man who left nice memories with all of the people he encountered. There is even a credit union named after him in the Buffalo, NY area.

I am a twin in a world that used to find that odd. Today, people can plan multiple births. 

I was poor most of my life in a world of wealth and undeserved privilege on the children of the elite. Most of my peers lived in the shadow of their parents (if they even bothered to try to make it on their own). Being poor is not a respectable way to go through life and people frown upon poor families as undeserving.

I did my own homework and projects without understanding that where I went to school parents did this for their kids. I was rarely praised due to the inferior output of my work compared to the majesty of a 40-year old adult’s efforts. Everyone knew it but teachers love talent and discourage effort.

My mother was much older than other parents which was embarrassing during my youth but really great when I needed an adult’s perspective when I got older. She was admired by new moms because she had a perspective a younger mother didn’t have.

I never imagined my life as anything but going to college and achieving intellectual goals. My peers grew up with bountiful praise and rewards for the tiniest attempts and anything that set them back a tiny bit was grounds for goal abandonment. The expression ‘when you ain’t got nothing you have nothing to lose’ pretty much described my life so I just had to get over my losses and push forward. The further you go the fewer the competition. 

I have failed more times than most people have ever tried. I am the poster child for ‘fuckup’ and ‘failure’. Still, today I am a doctor and a business success with a wife, nearly flawless daughters, and a cute dog (that everyone loves and admires). 

I admit that I spent decades angry and resentful for all that others had without effort and I believed that I would never achieve no matter how hard I worked. I was wrong, it did work and I did achieve all my goals.

The lessons of my mother of truth, honesty, integrity, tolerance, open-mindedness, and hard work have come true. You do not have to be a bad person to win. 

Through the years I have sought and found mentors and role models who have shaped me (whether they ever knew that). Two have died and two are still alive. Thank you to the two that are still alive: Dr. Megehee and Dr. Carpenter. 

I knew that I would love being a doctor and it is true every day.  I am so glad I went back to school at 40 to do this.

6) I am aware that many Democrats sell their souls for power and money still, it is the assorted and sordid Republicans who have, by the bushel, who have given up those same things and their dignity to cower and supplicant in front of president Dump. I could name dozens but JD Vance (oddly, not even his actual birth name! His legal name is JD Bowman.  He has never legally changed it) is the poster child of sad broken men who have decided to neuter themselves to make president Dump powerful. 

He actually had a clear-eyed view of the problems in American and the men and women in it when he wrote his book, Hillbilly Elegy but he has turned his back on the lessons of that book to swear allegiance to the worst US President in history.

Many of these men and women have actual ideas and thoughts that are complex and nuanced that would allow a compromise and vision that could lead this country in a clear-eyed direction, though conservative in tone.  All oft hem have become hardliner misanthropes stating and acting at the behest of their megalomaniac uneducated inarticulate leader with a reverence for dictator leaders.

Does anyone recall what each of these people said about President Dump when he was not clearly going to become the next President?  Vance said (before the 2016 presidential election) back when JD Vance was a vocal critic of Donald Trump. He called Trump an “idiot,” labeled him “reprehensible,” and identified himself as a “Never Trump guy.” Vance openly expressed that he did not support Trump, saying in a 2016 interview that he never liked him and could not stomach him. He also wrote that he went “back and forth between thinking Trump is a cynical asshole like Nixon who wouldn’t be that bad (and might even prove useful) or that he’s America’s Hitler.”

Bowing to power is the saddest expression of a person’s worth; losing dignity as a means to the path of power is the lowest a man can go.

7) Personal story: my daughter needed a car.  She wanted a subcompact and had decided on a Mazda.  I am sorry if the rest of this will denigrate Mazda but here it goes:

All cars are great (or should operate great) for the first 5 years.  After that you should anticipate that things won’t be as great.  After 5 years Honda or Toyota rate in the 90s (scale of 100) for reliability and repairs; Mazda rates at 76%.

I could not stomach the idea of her having a Mazda and being so far away from us with a car problem.

I also have noted that my next car will be a Lexus.  Presently, I do not have any desire or need to change from my 2020 Toyota.

I decided to get her a 2021 Lexus.  My thinking was that if a Lexus broke down (not likely) I would be willing to put money into it to keep it on the road.  Also, people will baby a Lexus so the chances are that the 2021 would be in perfect condition.

If a used Mazda broke down I would be inclined to put a bullet into it.  No point repairing it.

The Lexus division has so much money that I financed it through them because the best rate I could get on my own was 8% and Lexus offered 5.75% = much better.

Yes, I think my daughter deserves to drive a used Lexus (in case anyone wondered).  This will be the only car she will get from me and my wife – after this, she can trade this car in and get her first car on her own.

So why do this?  There is only one car in our family and I need to be allowed not to share all the time.


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